I knew I would fall in love out here. I figured that, more than likely, I would fall in love with France and/or Europe. In addition to that, I thought I had the possibility of falling for a European babe. Who knows? But after a year, neither of these things happened. Something else did.
I always had a fascination for all things French. The language, the food, the history, the clothing, the colors...everything. Quickly, though, I realized that this is not me. I am not French. I can not live in this country. Sure, having a market every Sunday with fresh foods is wonderful. Getting fresh baguettes at the bakery everyday is magical. Driving past Voltaire's Chateau every week is surreal. But soon, these pleasures wear thin. Having NOTHING open on Sundays is frustrating. Driving around tight roads surrounded 100 year old walls is annoying. Having no variety at the grocery store is downright boring (minus the variety of yogurt, cheeses, and chocolate).
These are just a few of the many reasons why I just don't like living here. Simply, I didn't fall in love with France. While the traveling was slendid, living here made me miss the USA more than I thought I would. If anything, I fell more in love with America.
Without getting in details, I did not fall in love with a European babe. That's all I'll say about that.
Despite falling short in these areas, I did fall in love. I fell in love with 2 people, Macsen and Aiden. Even though I'm yelling at these boys more often than not, I really do love them. I can now understand what it's like to be a parent. I'm trying to think of how to describe this love, but it's really difficult. I'm sure all the parents out there understand my feelings. Just believe me that I love them.
And really, I'd love to share with all of you the things they do to warrant this love, but it's something that can't be shared. This is something that will live with me, and only me. You'll just have to take my word for it.
Of all the loves to have found in Europe, you found the truest. You are right that the love you feel for a child, even if it isn't yours, is truly difficult to describe. But when you hug one of those great loves and you feel your heart start to calm and you can feel the bond you have created through that simple act, it is then you have found the best type of love, unconditional.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the time you will spend with your mother in Europe. I will miss your European adventures once you are back in the great United States of America.
Much love to you. :)
Pass the Kleenex, please! As your story was unfolding, I truly wasn't thinking that was what you were going to say. But I'm glad that's what you found. After a year of hearing your trials and tribulations, and your joys of being with these two little ones, I have also fallen in love with them, sight unseen. In a way, I kind of feel like they're my surrogate grandchildren, and I can't wait to meet them!
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